Being in a wheelchair makes me feel really isolated. School has started and I'm in new classes with new students. I'm finding it really hard to get to know the new people. I feel like they see the wheelchair first. Also being on a different level than them physically makes talking to people hard, and sometimes intimidating. Everyone towers over me. I feel small. I also feel like everyone watches me. I don't like that feeling. I'm in one of the larger sections of my program, there are 30 of us.
I got through the first week but it was so hard. I'm finding it really hard to concentrate in class. I'm constantly in pain. I'm always tired. By the time I get home from class, I'm so exhausted I fall asleep. I haven't gotten any homework done all week.
The Lyrica is messing with my mood. Known side effects include anxiety and depression: things I already struggle with but had under control. Had. Not anymore. I get anxious at school, and I feel so alone that I start to cry. I feel hopeless and overwhelmed.
I've thought about dropping out. My parents said they will support me no matter what I do. They know my health is more important than school.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do. I want to give it a bit more time, see if anything gets easier. I have until January 22nd to get a full tuition refund.
Basically, everything is terrible right now.
January 16, 2016
Everything is Awful
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