January 22, 2019

Surgery #6: The Price of Walking is Too Dang High

No. I'm not kidding.

Just to recap:
April 2014: Open Reduction and Internal Fixation (ORIF)
December 2014: ORIF revision
February 2015: ORIF revision
December 2015: Ankle Arthrodesis (fusion)
September 2016: Ankle Arthrodesis revision following non-union

And then all was well. I was walking by December 2016. I spent all of 2017 living it up. I hit the gym a couple times a week, I got into cycling, I went rock climbing and camping and I felt unstoppable

January 2018 I started to feel a little bit of pain here and there. I blamed it on the cold. Then winter ended and my pain was getting worse. April 2018 I started getting such sharp pains that my ankle would give out and I would fall. I couldn't run anymore. I couldn't bike. Some days I could hardly walk. In May I sucked it up and gave Dr. Steeves a call.

July 2018 was the soonest he could see me. He ordered x-rays and a CT. What they showed was significant deterioration of my subtalar joint (the one between the heel and the ankle, between the calcaneus and talus).

September 2018: Subtalar Arthrodesis




A post shared by J.C. Albers (@jc_albers) on

That was 5 months ago. Now I'm struggling to walk and have to use a cane if I'm going out. My latests x-rays show the bones have all fused properly, but the tight tendons and muscle atrophy in my lower leg limit my endurance. Every day is painful.

I guess I should be sad or angry or something, but instead I just feel apathetic. It hurts all the time, what else is new. This is my normal. Of course I wish it was all better. Logic tells me that to be the happiest I can't dwell on things I don't have.

I'm going to try and get some physiotherapy. I stopped being on my parents insurance years ago. Disability benefits only cover 4-5 appointments a year and I would use that up in just 2 weeks. My parents paid out of pocket for an assessment and the thing is: this can get better! It's just too expensive for me to access on my own.

So I'm starting a Go Fund Me campaign to try and raise the money. It's the only chance I've got...


December 6, 2016

Overdue Update on Surgery #5


I had surgery on September 2nd, and ended up spending almost a week in the hospital. There was a complication with the spinal and I developed a post-dural-puncture headache. I had to have a blood patch procedure done to fix that.

On my last day in the hospital, I woke up early. I finally felt relief from the headache, and for the first time since the surgery I had some energy. I started thinking about school and how all my friends were just starting their semesters and how much I wanted to go to school too. I thought about it for maybe an hour, and then I emailed my program co-ordinator asking if it was too late to register for some online classes. I ended up registering for three classes the day I got out of the hospital, two online, one in class that met twice a week. I couldn't walk and wouldn't be able to for 12 weeks, but I found a friend willing to drive me to my classes and I started the next day.

After leaving the hospital, I found I didnt need any of the prescription pain killers. I didnt even need tylenol most days. The pain that had been plaguing me for almost three years was suddenly gone. I was able to keep up with my classes no problem.

Now it's almost the end of the semester. I'm walking. I'm pain free. I'm passing my classes. I'm planning to go to school full time in January.

I started this blog because when I first broke my leg and ankle, I wanted to know what my recovery was going to look like. I looked for other people's blogs about their recoveries and found some. Everyone's experience was different. Some people were fine after a year, or even six months. I really hope no one ends up in a situation like mine with my years of recovery and multiple surgeries, but if you do have a long recovery ahead of you try not to worry. Lean on the people around you, they love you and want to help. Its not easy to be happy in a rough situation, but try and find the things that bring you joy and keep them in your life. Medicine is complicated and sometimes things don't work, but that doesn't mean nothing will.

Be hopeful. Be brave. Don't give up.

A photo posted by Julie Albers (@julie_albers) on



August 24, 2016

Talk About It

This surgery coming up will put me in the hospital for four days. 

Six years ago, I was in inpatient in the psychiatric ward for almost three months as I recovered from a psychotic break so severe I didn't even know my own name. Part of me died from being locked up in there. I was mistreated, stripped, drugged, abused, and nobody did anything because who is going to believe the crazy girl? The french nurses yelled at me in a language I couldn't understand. My crying was treated with needles full of haloperidol injected into my leg while I fought the security guard to get away. Code White blaring on the intercom. My clothes: taken and replaced with a loose hospital gown, showing off my fresh bruises. I would find myself locked up in a cold concrete room with nothing but a bare mattress and a toilet. 

I begged my parents every day to get me out of there. And they tried. They wanted me transferred to a different hospital. They wanted me under a different doctor, but I was 18 so they had no legal right to dictate my medical treatment and the hospital knew it. The nurses hid thier mistakes by keeping me sedated and afraid. 

Think of it like this: there is a patient who is in severe mental health crisis. You can help her by comforting her, talking her down, and teaching healthy coping methods OR you can help yourself and shut her up with some haloperidol so you can get back to your mountain of paperwork because you are an overworked under-paid nurse. I got haloperidol. Every time. 

I was never a danger to anyone. I was never a danger to myself. I was a nuisance. I was noisy. 

Now every time I walk the halls of that hospital to and from my ortho appointments I am treated to vivid flashbacks, and even though I am floors away from the psych ward, I am afraid. I'm paranoid that someone will sense my anxiety and demand I return there to treat it. Every interaction with hospital staff has me on edge. Even though today was my fourth round of pre-op tests (for my fifth surgery) I stammered through answering thier questions, not trusting myself to know what would happen next and ready to flee at a moment's notice.

In the years since all this happened I have been in counselling. I've been told I have Complex PTSD. It takes constant effort to keep myself from feeling like everything I have will be taken away at any moment.


A photo posted by Julie Albers (@julie_albers) on

August 14, 2016

The Marathon

Surgery is coming up fast. A little too fast for my liking. I'm trying to squeeze as much as I can into the last little bit of summer. I've been to Montreal a few times, I did Bluesfest, I went camping, and I've even started cycling daily, anywhere from 5 to 7 kilometers. Next weekend I'm going to Peterborough and Toronto.

To prepare for surgery I decided I would make and freeze two months worth of food ahead of time. What an undertaking that was! It took a lot of planning and budgeting, but this past week I was able to get all the supplies and then I spent three days cooking it all. I spent under $300 and made 96 healthy meals. A lot of people have asked how I did this, so Ive typed up my recipes and master grocery list to share here.

A photo posted by Julie Albers (@julie_albers) on

July 11, 2016

CT Results

It could have gone one of three ways:
1- You're fine, no surgery needed
2- It's not so good, you might need surgery by next year, we'll keep an eye on it
3- It's bad, we should operate as soon as we can

It shouldn't be a surprise by now, but I got the third one.

The CT scan showed what the X-ray was hiding. While the fused bones connected around the edges, there is a gap between the bones on the inside, with no indication that they were fusing.

Imagine you have a bone, and its broken. You walk on it every day. There are three screws and some sliveres of bone growth holding it all together, but it's broken inside. That's what I've been walking on for the last four months.

I'm mad. Mad at my body for being so stubborn and not healing. Mad at God for thinking I should handle this. Mad at my health insurance, or lack thereof. I don't wanna hear any more platitudes. No more people saying "Stay positive" Stay positive about what?!? This sucks!! It's ruined my whole life! I'm not always a monster of negativity, but I need people to just let me feel my feelings, good or bad.

I'm not mad at my doctor. He's just as bummed about this as I am. He's not arrogant about it either. He truly wants to give me the best outcome possible.

It was a bad break. There's no blame, no faults. Everyone needs to stop suggesting that I sue the city or sue the hospital.

A photo posted by Julie Albers (@julie_albers) on

June 13, 2016

"Breaking" News

I was riding my bike to physio and when I went to stop at the bike rack I kinda crashed and fell. I’ve been doing this thing since middle school where I dismount my bike while it's still going and ride the pedal like a scooter until I hop off and walk the last couple steps to the bike rack. Looks cool if I don't fall.
I fell.
I landed on my hands and knees pretty hard with my bike underneath me, my left hand getting twisted in the spokes of my wheel and my knees scraping the pavement. I was already late for my appointment and really embarrassed by my graceless fall, so I hurried in. Once I got settled in the clinic, I realized my left hand was throbbing really bad and swelling up. My physiotherapist took a look at it, icing it for a bit and then poking it while I cried. He said I needed x-rays.
 So after physio I went to the Emergency Room. As much as I hate hospitals, none of the clinics nearby had x-ray machines. Interestingly, this was not the same hospital where I went for my broken leg. The wait was forever and the anxiety made me wanna run home. The triage nurse called my wrist "gross". The x-ray tech apologised for making me cry. The doctor I saw said that I had fractured a teeny tiny bone in my wrist called the scaphoid, but she didn't know how bad. These kinds of fractures are really hard to see on x-ray until after they start healing. Based on my swelling, bruising, where my pain is, and how I fell, she was sure it was a scaphoid fracture.
I got sent to Ortho to have a splint put on my arm. I have to go back in two weeks for a check-up. Until then I'll have to make do with a useless left hand, but at least it's a perpetual thumbs up.

A photo posted by Julie Albers (@julie_albers) on

June 6, 2016

Six Months Post-Fusion

Dr Steeves says he doesn't usually follow a patient this long (over two years now). I've met almost all of his med students because I'm here so often.
Anyways, I didn't hear what I wanted to hear at my appointment today. The pain I feel in the joint has not calmed down at all. Physio is helping with the tendonitis but my surgeon was skeptical about my x-rays. So he's sending me for a CT scan for a more detailed look at the bone growth, and if he's not happy with it then I'll need another surgery to revise the fusion. Fifth time's the charm. No?
Usually ortho surgeons like to wait a year before touching a fusion, but I'm not as healed as I should be for six months, and the doc said if there's a problem he would rather deal with it sooner.
Surgery would push back returning to school. I would need more physio. I've maxed out my physio for the year, and next year I'm off my parents insurance.
I'm frustrated. I'm not a whiner. I've pushed myself so hard to get through this. I work hard in physio. I wear proper shoes and take it easy when I've pushed too hard. I've tolerated pain for so long.
I just wanted to hear that it would all be over soon.

January 16, 2016

Everything is Awful

Being in a wheelchair makes me feel really isolated. School has started and I'm in new classes with new students. I'm finding it really hard to get to know the new people. I feel like they see the wheelchair first. Also being on a different level than them physically makes talking to people hard, and sometimes intimidating. Everyone towers over me. I feel small. I also feel like everyone watches me. I don't like that feeling. I'm in one of the larger sections of my program, there are 30 of us.
I got through the first week but it was so hard. I'm finding it really hard to concentrate in class. I'm constantly in pain. I'm always tired. By the time I get home from class, I'm so exhausted I fall asleep. I haven't gotten any homework done all week.
The Lyrica is messing with my mood. Known side effects include anxiety and depression: things I already struggle with but had under control. Had. Not anymore. I get anxious at school, and I feel so alone that I start to cry. I feel hopeless and overwhelmed.
I've thought about dropping out. My parents said they will support me no matter what I do. They know my health is more important than school.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do. I want to give it a bit more time, see if anything gets easier. I have until January 22nd to get a full tuition refund.
Basically, everything is terrible right now.

January 9, 2016

Screws and Back to School

Well this is what a fused ankle looks like. Its pretty screwed up! Haha! Dr. Steeves said he would do an isolated fuse so he didn't go through my fibula. Thats good because I'll have slightly more flexibility. All those little bits of metal are left over from previous surgeries, and are never coming out.

My pain is... interesting. Most of my discomfort is actualy in my foot as a result of nerve pain. I have one long incision and eight small ones, but I can't feel them, most of my foot and ankle are still numb. I do however, feel some very painful pins and needles once in a while.

I go back to school in a few days. I'm a little worried about it, I've only gone out three times since the surgery, and each time has been really hard and draining. Luckily I have a friend to drive me to school all semester, and in return, I got her a sweet reserved accessible parking spot on campus. But my schedule is heavy, and most days I'll be at the school for over 8 hours. It sounds a little overwhelming, but I just have to go for 15 weeks and then I get four months off!

January 3, 2016

Detox

I'm trying to get off the pain meds, but every time I get to about 12 hours off, I start feeling pretty bad: too warm, too cold, nauseous, sore, and really really irritable. I feel so crummy I end up re-starting the med. I've run out of my prescription and have begun to dig into the pills left over from my last surgery.
They are 325mg Tramadol pills, I was talking up to 12 pills a day. Got down to 6, one very 4 hours. I haven't taken any since 7am yesterday. It's 2:30 am now. I've been relying on Advil and the Lyrica for pain control. Now I just need something for withdrawal control.
I see my doctor in 3 days.

January 2, 2016

Late Night Ramblings

I sleep on a weird schedule. It's been over two weeks of being in bed, and taking narcotic pain meds that make me fuzzy and sleepy. I sleep for four hours, and then I'm up for four hours, sleep four, awake four...
I miss my life. I'm anxious to get back to it. Right now my family is out of town visiting my Grandma, and attending my cousins wedding. I wish I could have gone.
I'm also anxious to go back to school, but I feel like I need to get off the meds first. I tried a couple days ago but the pain got really bad.
I also wanna go back to physio. I wanna walk, I wanna run, I wanna play volleyball and dance with more than just my arms.
But for now I binge watch Netflix, play app games like Plague Inc and Neko Atsume, and have various people over to clean my house and feed me.
Had I know when I woke up on March 29th 2014 that I would break my leg and ankle in such a way that it would affect the next two years of my life... would I do anything different? Would it even have made a difference? Can fate be changed?

January 1, 2016

Christmas, Bed Rest, and Cats

The mug speaks the truth
My parents bought me a new mattress a couple months ago as an early Christmas present. I was really desperate for one; I wasn’t sleeping very well and was having back problems. I remember that after previous surgeries, my hips and back would hurt after only a few days in bed. I’ve been in this bed for over two weeks now and I’m still comfortable.

However staying in bed for this long is not as fun as it sounds. I was put on bed rest after my last hospital visit. I need to keep my leg above my heart to keep the swelling down. No one ever told me that bed rest would have side effects. I get heartburn, because I’m always lying down. I have heat rash all over my back. When I get up to go to the washroom, my leg swells up and hurts for about an hour.

I’m home alone now. My roommate is still out of town, but my sister comes over in the mornings to check on me and bring me food. Sometimes I have visitors. They always bring food.

December 24th vs December 29th
Christmas was good, I don’t remember much since I was heavily medicated, but my family took lots of pictures for me so I could remember. On Christmas Eve there was no snow still and it was 16 degrees Celsius out, it felt like a nice spring day. The grass was green and the sky was blue. I’ve had a green Christmas before, but it was still really cold like winter. This was strange. It didn’t last. On the December 29th there was a huge snowstorm. And it hasn’t really stopped snowing. So now it looks like a typical January out there.


Tramadol, Lyrica, and Advil
I have a week left until I see my surgeon again. A week and a half until the school semester starts. I keep trying to get off the narcotic pain meds, but every time I do within 12 hours I’m so uncomfortable I’m back on them. I really don’t want to be on them still when school starts, because they make my brain all fuzzy. I wouldn’t be able to get any work done. I’m looking forward to seeing my x-rays at my appointment. Dr. Steeves always makes sure I get to see them. He’s great like that, very informative and makes sure I know what’s going on. He’s the top rated orthopaedic surgeon in the city.

I don’t think I’d be able to get through bed rest if it wasn’t for Tesla. She’s my kitten. She’s a 10-month-old calico. I adopted her in May, and spent a lot of time with her, training her not to destroy things, not to chew on cables, or claw the couch. I got her accepted into a Pet Smart Charities grant for people on financial assistance, so she could be spayed and I only had a $20 co-pay. She is so well behaved, easily affectionate, hilariously vocal, and is ever so gentle. She has a lot of patience when my one-year-old niece is pulling her fur and squealing in her face. Tesla likes to cuddle with me all day. Both her and Jinx, my roommate’s cat, spend all their time on my bed or in my room. They only leave to go eat and use the litter box. Its like they know something is wrong with me.


I’m happy to have the cats, and I’m happy when friends come visit, but I cant wait to get out of this bed, get off these drugs, and get back to school and my life.


TTYL
Julie

December 23, 2015

Night at the Montfort

Yesterday my wonderful sister organized a family gingerbread house decorating activity. So I was up and about all day. I had the wheelchair, but I was pretty active and rolling myself around and hanging out with my family. It really wore me out so at the end of the day when I felt like crap, I though I had just over done it a bit

Then in the evening I was changing the bandages on my leg because my incisions had oozed through them. When I unwrapped my foot it was huge, angry red and very hot. When I touched the skin it hurt like a thousand tiny stabbing knives. My dad was worried about infection, and so was I. We decided to go to the emergency room.

We got there at about 11pm. I got registered and then waited. And waited. It was night time and there was only one doctor on staff and something like 13 ambulances came in during the night. My dad eventually fell asleep in a chair but my pain kept me awake. It was a good thing I brought my meds with me because I need to take my painkiller every 4 hours or my whole leg would feel like its gonna explode. Throughout the night I had interesting conversations with some other patients, mainly this one guy who had a nasty cut on his hand and was probably gonna lose his finger. I also got my dad to change the waiting room tv channel to Discovery Channel, but they were marathoning a show about Hawaiian kayak fishing and by the time I got bored of it, dad was already asleep. I eventually sent him home at 5am.

I finally got called into the clinic at 7:30am. By then the day staff had arrived, and there were more doctors and nurses available. I got put into a room and a nurse took my vitals again and said the doctor would be in to see me soon. Even though I had a bed I still couldn't sleep. At about 8:30 I saw the ER doctor. He unwrapped my foot and looked at it. He said my blood pressure was a bit high and my foot looked really bad. He said he didn't know why it was so red only in that one spot, no where near the incisions. He said that Dr Steeves, my surgeon, was on call and that he would just have him come see me. In the mean time, he ordered an IV for antibiotics and blood tests.

When the nurse came in to put my IV in and take blood, she said I'd have to go to another waiting room while the IV went through. They needed the bed. After getting all hooked up, she wheeled me to a waiting room. I was there for only 15 minutes when the ER doc came and found me. He said that Dr Steeves was in surgery, but would be out in about an hour and would come see me right away. I thanked him, and then I asked if there was somewhere I could lie down. At this point, I had been awake for over 24 hours. He said he would see what he could do.

Only a few minutes later a different nurse came to me. She was so nice! She couldn't get me a bed, but she could get me a reclining chair, almost as comfy as my grandmas La-Z-Boy chair. She also got me into a smaller waiting room where there was no one else and it was quieter and I could have the lights off. I asker her if I could have a blanket, but I was so tired that I couldn't finish the sentence without breaking down in tears. She actually was really comforting and put her hand on mine and re-assured me that I would be okay and that it was normal to feel so overwhelmed after being awake for so long. Then she brought me a warmed blanket. I got comfy and finally closed my eyes.

When I opened them again it was 10:30 and Dr Steeves was flicking on the light. "So I hear you have some ugly toes" he joked. I was still so exhausted, I just groaned. "Wow, you are not your usual self, something is up." I love when doctors care and can tell when you're not well. He took a look at my foot. He said my post-op x-rays were very good and my ankle was stable. The surgical sites themselves were healing well and not infected. But the amount of pain I was experiencing from the swollen red parts of my foot were concerning. He touched my foot and I cried. He asked if it was like a stabbing pain, and I said it was like a thousand fiery little knives were stabbing my foot. My pain was a 6/10 even though I was on the max dose of Tramadol. He said that the Tramadol probably wasn't helping with the pain in that part of my foot because it was something called neuropathic pain. The nerves in my foot were damaged and trying to heal, causing pain and swelling. Also several areas of my foot and leg were still numb and I couldn't move my toes. The redness was from blood pooling in my foot when it wasn't elevated all day. He said it would eventually turn brown before fading. Gross. Dr Steeves prescribed a new med to take with the pain med I was already on. Its called Lyrica and stops pain signals in the brain. He also said I had to keep my leg elevated above my heart, and that I should be on bedrest for the next two weeks.

I thanked Dr Steeves. He said he would get me back to good. After he left the nice nurse came back. She said she had checked on me a couple times before Dr Steeves arrived but I was out of it. She said she hoped I had a good rest and would be able to get more at home. She took out my IV and then wheeled me all the way to the mail lobby where I could get a cell signal. She even stayed with me until I had made some calls and got a ride home.

My dad picked me up at 11:30, so he probably got 5 hours sleep. I got home at noon and dad went to fill the new prescription. After he dropped that off, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 5:30 this evening.

My surgery was only a week ago today.

December 20, 2015

Pre-op X-rays


The last x-ray I posted was from February. This one is form November. Some of the screws broke, but most concerning in this x-ray is where the tibia and talus are touching, and the dark shadow underneath. Thats the arthritis.

Anyways, recovery is going okay. I sleep a lot and my sister is here to take care of me while my roommate is home for the holidays. It doesn't feel like Christmas though.


December 19, 2015

Never Say Never - Surgery Number Four

X-ray from surgery #3
This is a long over-due update. I finished all my finals and graduated from Design Studies. I was accepted into the Graphic Design program. My summer was a bit hectic: I opted to spend my time outdoors a lot, geocaching, going to the beach, exploring local parks, and camping. Being so active wasn't easy or painless, I still felt very limited in my endurance and range of movement in my ankle. After an active day, I would spend the next three limping around with a very swollen leg. Other summer activities included finishing drivers ed, getting my G2 licence, adopting a cat named Tesla, and traveling a bit. The summer went so fast and the next thing I knew I was back in school. I started Graphic Design. Its a three year advanced diploma program with a very heavy course load, high standards and lots of stress. And I love it!

At the end of September I had a check up with Dr. Steeves. My x-rays showed that my ankle bone, the talus, was ever so slightly out of place. With the fibula where it should be, it was causing the tibia and talus to grind together and the resulting arthritis was already showing up on the x-rays. It also explained my chronic pain and the swelling. We tentatively booked a surgery date for the first week of my winter break, and made an appointment for November, to see if anything improved or got worse.

In the time leading up to that appointment, my physio coverage ran out and I actually became more active on my feet due to my busy school schedule. I started to have more bad days than good ones. Some days were so bad I had to use the walking cast because I just couldn't afford to take the day off. November came and the x-rays showed I had barely any cartilage left in the joint and the arthritis was deep. Dr. Steeves and I decided to go ahead with surgery. The plan: fuse the talus and tibia.
So on December 16 2015, almost two years after first breaking my leg, I went under the knife for the fourth time.

Dr Steeves and I
Remember when I woke up on the operating table last time? Well I got the full story from my anesthesiologist. He said that after I woke up and asked to go back to sleep, he tried to re-sedate me but I had a bad reaction and got really anxious and agitated, and I started crying. So they ended up putting me under general anesthesia. They usually don't put me under general because I have asthma, so its a bit more risky. It explains why it took me so long to wake up the third time, and the breathing tube.

Because of these past complications, they decided to admit me into the hospital overnight for this surgery. The operation itself took about three hours. Dr Steeves explained that they would be opening my old incisions and taking out my old metal, making a couple small incisions for the scopes so they could cut away the bone from around the damaged joint before fusing it together with a few screws. In addition to the nerve block behind me knee that lasts a day or so, my anesthesiologist added a long-acting morphine to my spinal, and an anti-anxiety med to the sedation. This time I stayed asleep and didn't freak out.

I went into surgery at 11:00 am and I woke up in the recovery ward at around 4:30 in the afternoon. The nurse observing me was really cool, we got to talking about photography and my family. I was waking up much better than last time and I wasn't in any pain because of the morphine and the nerve block in my knee. After an hour or so under observation they took me to a room on the surgical ward. Thats when things got rough. My oxygen was low so they had to put the air tube around my nose again. My blood pressure was really low, I got really itchy from the meds, and I was really nauseous and dizzy. I was able to eat a bit at first, but then I threw up on a nurse. I also couldn't fall asleep, so they ended up putting like four different meds in my IV for itching, sleeping, nausea, and an antibiotic. At midnight I still hadn't been able to go to the washroom on my own and the ultrasound showed my bladder was very full. So I had to get a catheter put in.

Hospital selfie
The next morning they took it out but I still couldn't go by myself. My blood pressure came up and I was able to eat without throwing up. I saw Dr Steeves and he said he was really happy with the surgery, he was able to get my foot properly poised under my leg before fusing it there. I met with a physiotherapist to go over exercises I can do in bed to keep my leg muscles strong. In the afternoon I could finally pee so they sent me home that evening.

Now I'm home to recover over the winter break. I go back to school in three weeks, but I have to spend the next 10-12 weeks completely off my leg! That means wheelchair and crutches and not walking on my own until March. I have a follow up appointment in a couple weeks. I'll try to remember to update here with x-ray pictures.

March 22, 2015

No More Surgery!

I'm six weeks post-op. I walk everywhere, but still hate stairs. I got to physio twice a week. I get to take the Air Cast off in two more weeks. And at my last checkup, Dr. Steeves said NO MORE SURGERY!! YAY!!

So I've been focusing on school. Its almost finals, so ill keep this short. Ill post more when I have free time. (Probably April)

February 18, 2015

Homework

I have 5 assignments to do before reading week is over:

  1. Business stationary set (letterhead, business card & envelope)
  2. Colour still life study
  3. App icon designs
  4. Drink menu design
  5. Portfolio pages x5

Today I took a few steps with the help of a cane. Just a few and then I got sore. But hey, that's progress. Tomorrow I'll take some more and maybe Friday I'll be able to walk all I want.

Assignment 2 of 5

February 17, 2015

Reading Week

Pain: 2/10
Appetite: Normal
Mood: Trying VERY HARD not to be depressed.

I'm going to spend all of reading week working on the homework I didn't do last week. I've already had a couple anxiety attacks about all my homework and I've just been feeling super down lately. I'm diagnosed bi-polar, and now would NOT be a good time to swing around.

I'm impatient to start walking again. I've been getting out of the house more. I played D&D with my friends yesterday and today I went out and bought a printer.

I wish I could just play Skyrim all day, but the homework is calling. Maybe I'll get it done and out of the way so I can play all weekend.

February 14, 2015

Day 8 - A HeartHappy Valentines Day

A Heart Attack <3
Pain: 3/10
Mood: Feelin' the love
Appetite: CHINESE FOOD
Progress: Got my avatar to level 5 in Skyrim

Today was pretty interesting. My friends Michael, Ethan, Meghan and Carley stopped by for a bit. Meghan stayed over to hang out and then the sister missionaries from church came over and spent some time with us. Then after the sisters left, we discovered we had bean "Heart Attacked".

Best roommate ever!!
I've been playing Skyrim to pass the time, but I'm starting to feel a lot better. I will start on my homework Monday and catch up all reading week.

A huge shout out to my bff Carolyn and my roommate Ana. They have been doing so much over the last week to take care of me. Ana even did my eyebrows!!

I gave Hello Kitty valentines to all my friends :)

February 13, 2015

One Week After Surgery

Pain: 6/10
Mood: Blahhh
Appetite: Its back
Progress: swelling is way down

I got my bandages changed since they were so loose.
I have two incisions, one on each side of my ankle. I've been opened in the same two places three times now. What does that mean for scarring?

 I spend my time playing Sims, Mario Kart, and Minecraft. I browse meme blogs and creep Facebook. My mind is full off fuzz. My leg feels like its full of knives.

I dunno, I just feel zoned out. I didn't wake up until 1pm today.

Whatever.

February 12, 2015

Day 6 of Recovery

Pain: 4/10
Mood: Anxious about missing so much school
Appetite: Starting to feel hungry sometimes
Progress: I went outside

The Air Cast. I change up the colors of the straps
every so often
So I went on an adventure this morning. Elder and Sister Adams drove me to go see my family doctor, Dr Bruce. I made the appointment to see her long before the surgery, and didn't want to cancel. My friends told me I snored really badly, so I was worried about having sleep apnea. It would explain why I never feel rested after sleeping and the headaches I get. She booked me in for a sleep study at the hospital by my house, so that will happen next month,

On my way out of the doctors office, my crutch slipped, and I fell on my bad leg. That really hurt. The crutch also pushed up on my arm and now my shoulder is sore. No more adventures for me.

Before going home, I stopped at the college. I got an email saying I had won the Nepean Ben Franklin Bursary, and I was awarded over $600. So I picked that up and deposited it. Yay money. I miss school.

Tonight the missionaries are coming over for dinner. Carolyn is making a breakfast buffet with pancakes, eggs, sausages and hash browns. I'm looking forward to it! My roommate Ana and our friend Conner will also join us.

February 11, 2015

Day 5 of Recovery

Pain: 6/10
Mood: lazy
Appetite: I miss food
Progress: I pooped

The new medication schedule and a little school pride
Last night was another hard night. The strong meds were having some nasty side effects. Carolyn has been taking care of me since the surgery, but she called in Sister Adams to help. Sister Adams is a senior missionary for our church and a retired nurse. She came over and my blood pressure was super low. I was feeling terrible. So they changes up my medication and wrote out a new schedule. They set it up so Ill be taking less of the narcotic stuff, and subbing in some Advil. She also started my on Benadryl for my itching.

Today the pain hasn't been to bad. Sister Adams helped me get a shower and after that I was so exhausted, like I had run a marathon. But I felt clean. After the shower she changed my dressing. My leg really hurt after that.

The Benadryl makes me sleepy. I slept all night and all day and I'm still tired. I worry about all the school work I'm not doing. I just don't have the ability to concentrate or be creative. my mind is blank, my thoughts are blah. I just super sleepy.

I felt a little hunger for the first time after I pooped. but not since. I eat when people tell me to, but if they didn't I probably wouldn't. There's so much I cant do for myself. I can't cook or clean or even fill my water bottle.

February 10, 2015

Day 4 of Recovery

Pain: 6.5/10
Mood: mellow
Appetite: still nothing

No plaster cast, but I do have the Air Cast. I have to wait for
the swelling to go down before I can put it on though.
My leg twitches sometimes. And it sends pain shooting all up my leg. My hips and lower back are sore from laying in bed all the time. Getting up is super hard, I get very dizzy and feint. I get pale and my leg swells up so much as soon as it isn't elevated. So pretty much just like my first surgery. What is different from all my previous surgeries is how incredibly itchy I am. I itch all over. My arms and legs and tummy and back and head and even my eyes and nose. It kinda feels like dry skin; I don't have a rash. Its bringing back memories of when I had chicken pox. Hopefully I'll be strong enough to take a shower soon, and that will stop the itching.

I'm pretty much out of it concerning my cognitive abilities. Time goes by at weird paces. I find it incredibly hard to concentrate on anything. Ill find myself staring at a spot on the wall and next thing I know three hours have passed. or I'll go down for a nap and wake up ten minutes later feeling like I've slept for days. Sometimes I get impatient and frustrated by the smallest things. Like how my phones touch screen doesn't recognize my finger when its cold. I cried over that one.

I don't get hungry. I don't feel anything in my stomach wanting for food. I drink a lot of water because my mouth is dry, and I have to pee all the time. But I never feel hunger. I feel the effects if I don't eat, like I'll get the shakes and a low blood sugar headache if I don't have anything for a while, but just the thought of most foods make me feel queasy.

Anyways, enough updates for today. I'm sleepy.

February 9, 2015

Day 3 of Recovery

Pain: 6/10
Mood: Kind of cranky and impatient
Appetite: Nonexistent. I have to force myself to eat.
Progress: I can wiggle my toes.

A happy drugged up Julie
I have two different medications for pain. I have the Hydromorphone with is great for the pain and makes me sleepy and happy. I also have Tramadol which really helps with my pain but my head stays a bit clearer. For the first three days of my recovery, I was on the max dose of the Hydromorphone because the pain was so bad. I started lowing my pain meds a few hours ago. Not because the pain let up, but because I was worried about what the meds were doing to me. They are strong narcotics and I don't want to become dependent. I also don't want to damage my liver or kidneys. I need those
I'm going to try and post every day, just a short checkup so I can track my progress.

Until tomorrow

February 6, 2015

Surgery #3 - Waking up on the table

Almost 11 months after the original injury, I had my leg re-broken.

Pre-Op Smiles :)
The day surgery nurses are starting to remember me. I arrived at the hospital the morning of my surgery, sleepy and hungry. I'm not allowed to eat anything for like 12 hours before surgery. It was all the same at the last two times. take of all your clothes, put on the uncomfortable hospital gown. Get poked and poked by IV's and needles. They kept me for a couple hours before surgery for observation to make sure I was stable. Getting wheeled into the operating room was the same at always. I looked at the clock, it was 10:40 am. Then I got a needle in my back, needles in my leg, and drugs in my IV. Dizzy, then sleepy, then nothing.


Dr Steeves initials the leg to
be operated on.
When I came to, I immediately knew I was not in the recovery room. I could hear doctors talking loudly. I opened my eyes and saw a blue sheet. I turned my head and saw I was still in the operating room. I was still being operated on! I saw my anesthesiologist above me.
I said "Can I go back to sleep?"
"Are you awake?" he asked.
"Yeah. But I want to go back to sleep. I'm not done." I wasn't really panicking about being awake on the table.
"Okay were working on it. Just hang on." he said. Then I hear Dr. Steeves voice. I couldn't see him, the blue sheet blocked everything.
"Do you like the music?" he asked me.
"No" I whined.
"Why not?"
"I don't hear any music." Maybe my brain just couldn't process music at that point, because I don't remember music. I wish I did. Maybe I can pick the playlist for my next surgery.
I started to cry. I wasn't in pain, I didn't feel anything. I just cried and asked to be put back to sleep. The anesthesiologist put a mask on my face and asked my to count down from ten. I don't remember counting at all.

Post-op discomfort
My surgery took two hours. When I came to in the recovery room, It was almost 6:30 pm. I had come out of surgery around 1 pm, but I had stayed asleep. Sometimes the body just needs to rest. I remember having dreams. In one of them I was being put into one of those cupboards in the morgue. In another, I was being isolated in this room with rusted pipes, no windows and a faint green light. I don't know why. Dreams are weird. Anyways, When I woke up, I was crying, as usual. I always cry when waking up from surgery. There was a nurse beside me and she asked how I felt. I told her I woke up in the surgery. She said "I know! Its so strange." When I spoke, I realized my throat was killing me. When I told this to the nurse, she said it was because they had to put a breathing tube in me after I woke up in surgery. I don't remember them taking the tube out.
My daddy is the best

After waking up and getting my stats up (blood pressure, oxygen sat, pulse) they sent me back to the surgical ward. There the nurses get me to go to the bathroom. They also make sure I can drink and eat without getting sick. And after they have observed me to see that I'm okay, they discharge me. My dad came to get me at 8 pm. He brought me a balloon, I love balloons.

When I got home, I went right to bed. My friend Carolyn came over to help care for me. At about 2 am, the nerve block in my knee wore off and I was in so much pain that I cried out loud for a few hours. The pain I felt was just as bad as my very first surgery, just as bad as when I was lying on that sidewalk with shattered bones. When Carolyn called the Telehealth nurse, she asked me to rate my pain. I used my 10. I never say 10 because what is I can have a worse pain. But this was blinding agony with no relief. I decided to take the max dose of painkillers. and it took the edge off just enough so I could sleep. But sleep was uneasy and the pain was almost unbearable.